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Back to school after the terror attacks

17/3/2019

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So, big day tomorrow - back to school for many kids, back to work for many parents, many are still waiting for loved ones to recover or their bodies to be released - here's some ideas for helping our precious tamariki and us, their heroes;

Look after yourself; if you're sad or worried, talk about it, or do things that help you move it on, don't bury it and become inactive.

​There are many
 helplines available or your GP can point you to counselling services. Use them.  

Helping yourself helps your family, ignoring your own needs won't help them. Even if you haven't lost anyone you may still be feeling tremendously upset. For those who went through the earthquakes, you may have been triggered by many parts of this event - the emergency response, helicopters, cones, flowers, sounds, powerlessness etc etc. Don't ignore these feelings, they are perfectly valid reminders of the danger you have been in. Use the help services that are being offered.

Help children grieve by allowing their emotions and not shutting them down. Find ways for them to express themselves - children do this through play, drawing, acting things out - don't be surprised or angry if they play with imaginary guns or emergency vehicles, it's part of working through it. 

Make life predictable. Talk about routines, changes to routines, bus/car routes that may have changed with road closures, anything that is different. Keep doing the things you do as much as you can.

Decide what your 'line' is and repeat it often, so that it becomes a habit in their heads - e.g. "This is not what happens in NZ, it is an unusual situation, the trust you have in the world has not changed."

Take care to look after, reassure and comfort, but also allow them to be competent and confident again - don't squash their efforts to be back in their lives and don't allow them to avoid too long - ease them back into it.


Warn them about the increased police presence, that there may be guns, and there may be helicopters (especially as the sound of the helicopter may be distressing), and that these people are ensuring our safety, showing the world that we are well protected.

​The MOE is having teams on the ground in Christchurch and at many schools - there will be resources and people available. Use them and encourage your kids to.
Give love, give hugs (if wanted), think about how your little ones like to receive love and do that. Do it for yourself too.

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Christchurch Terror Attacks

15/3/2019

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To all our Christchurch whanau and especially those in the Muslim community; 
It's a difficult day, a day we shouldn't be facing, but remember your love, your strength and that we all stand against this as a community. As someone has just reminded me, this was caused by people, not by natural forces - 

Here's some ideas that might help - 
It's at times like this that our adrenalin is going full tilt, fight/flight responses fully engaged - but if you or your kids are still in lockdown, you will be feeling frozen and wanting action. It's a hard time to practice patience and calm, but imperative for your brain to function optimally.  

So, if you're in lockdown and worried;

When you're in an anxious high adrenalin state your brain finds it difficult to think rationally. It's important to return your brain to a more normal state before making decisions. 

Use your breathing rhythm to calm yourself, long slow breaths in and out and focus your attention on the breath to help your body return to a more normal state. 

Focus on things around you rather than thoughts in your head, try to be in the situation, not in the potential situations in your head.

Reduce your exposure to social media. Listen to verified reports and need-to-know information.

Keep eating and drinking if you can. 

Here's some things to help your kids when you get home safe;

Be vigilant about the amount of media you and they are watching, there's a lot of rumour out there, limit your watching to necessary information rather than information that increases worry and rumination.

Distract kids from the subject with games, videos, books, the usual things that they enjoy.

Avoid too much talk about the topic in front of them, give them the information they need but don't go on.

Eat good nutritious food, keep hydrated, don't change household routines because of the situation, - the kids can still do the washing up!

Look after yourself so that you can nurture them - talk to friends/other adults if you are feeling upset, so that you can then be a listening ear for your children.

Kids may be scared and will want to share their fears. It's normal to feel worried, but reassure them that the world hasn't changed, this is an unusual situation and things will go back to normal soon. When you listen you don't need to solve, you just need to listen and be empathic. Feelings usually retreat after a short while if they are listened to and acknowledged. Avoid dismissing feelings. 

Be gentle with yourself and others, bring on your loving self to encourage others to as well.  

​Kia kaha Ōtautahi

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    Author

    We all worry and feel anxiety at times in our lives.  Anxiety can impact on children and their families in many ways. The Worry Bug Project seeks to support parents and teachers to recognise and address mild to moderate anxiety.
    ​Sarina Dickson is a parent, author and educator, Julie Burgess-Manning is a parent, author and registered psychologist.

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