There are many symptoms of anxiety. Most people recognise the classic symptoms; worry, fear of things like spiders/dogs/the dark, or for small children, separation from parents or caregivers. But, there are a variety of ways that anxiety is experienced that are not so recognisable. An example of this is when you are worried, you will find it difficult to concentrate or focus on a task. Children may find it difficult to learn new things, or to remember things they have previously learnt. Adults and children experiencing anxiety may seem rude, or dismissive.
Anxiety is often part of family relationships, rather than just a problem for one member of the family. Sometimes though, one family member seems to express their anxiety more than others- either in behaviours or in words. Often, a child is responding to anxiety felt by everyone, not necessarily anxiety that begins with them. For example, you may be worried about leaving your child at school, and you express that in your irritability in the morning and your prolonged cuddle at the school gate. The child will feel this and may respond in kind - reinforcing your thoughts that they are anxious about leaving you too.
A vicious cycle can then develop – and it may not be obvious what triggered the anxious feelings you experienced that day. It may have been concern for an extended family member, a distressing item you heard on the news or work stress for your partner, or perhaps you can’t isolate just one thing.
Addressing anxiety as a family will have a better result for your children than addressing it in one person. Even if your child is the carrier of the anxiety, research shows us that families working with children to manage these symptoms is a lot more effective than the child doing this alone. Looking at anxiety as a family benefits all the members, and best supports the person that needs the most help.
We have a list of agencies here to go to for assistance, but if you are very concerned about your family after reading this checklist through, your first port of call should be your GP.
Assessment of Anxiety
This checklist of symptoms will give you an idea of the extent of anxiety in your family and where it sits (adults/children). Take a note of your answers as you go through each question, so you can do the checklist again at a later date and compare the results.
Worry in the family
Anxiety or worry is present in my family, (how much of the time? and to what extent?)
Mostly the children are worried (tick if correct)
Mostly the adults are worried (tick if correct)
Someone in my family is scared of something specific (Tick which ones and think about how much it affects the person and the family)
the dark
dogs
spiders
public spaces
confined spaces
something else specific
General worries
Someone in my family is scared of something general (if yes, tick which ones and think about how much this affects them and the family)
uncontrollable events
something that is not real
possible risks
generally everything
change
Separation worries Someone in my family is scared of being separated; (think about to what extent the following is true)
The children don’t like to be separate from the adults
The adults in the family don’t like to leave the children anywhere/anywhere new/with friends
The adults don’t allow the children to take risks in ways that we would have prior to the earthquakes
The children won’t go to specific places in the house alone, or outside
“Be careful” worries
We are worried about potential risks; (think about to what extent you are worried and how this has changed your behaviour) - here are some examples
We are often on the look-out for danger
The children often warn us about potential problems
We say “Be careful” often/more than we used to
The children need constant reassurance or attention;
We have changed our lives to keep the children safer, e.g. by curbing independence, by talking more about risk, about always knowing where they are; by giving in more often when we would usually hold our ground, by being more empathic, by allowing children to stay home from school more, by listening more to their worries.
Family climate
Our family emotional climate has changed (how much has it changed? How much resistance would there be to change back? Here are some examples of how it may have changed)
We have changed our family routines, e.g. sleep, eating, toileting
Our style of parenting has changed
We drink more
We smoke more
We argue more
We cry more
We sleep less
We are more irritable/angry
Physical symptoms of anxiety (Think about the extent that family members feel the following)
We have these physical symptoms of anxiety
nausea
sleeplessness
lack of concentration
panic attacks
heart racing
sweating
clumsiness
tummy aches
headaches
fainting
Other symptoms
We have these symptoms too
Checking things,
counting things
washing hands/things
not stepping on cracks
touching things in certain ways
Other things I would like to remember about my family and anxiety at this time (Write them here)
Strengths that our family has (Write them here)
Remember, this is a guide only, not a validated assessment tool.
If you complete this checklist and are very concerned at your answers, please contact your GP and ask for help understanding this. They will be able to refer you to an appropriate service.
You may also like to go to the Massey research site to do a validated assessment tool www.massey.ac.nz/worrybug. You will be able to complete the tool before using the Worry Bug resource, and two times afterwards, giving you an idea about the changes in your family.
Anxiety is often part of family relationships, rather than just a problem for one member of the family. Sometimes though, one family member seems to express their anxiety more than others- either in behaviours or in words. Often, a child is responding to anxiety felt by everyone, not necessarily anxiety that begins with them. For example, you may be worried about leaving your child at school, and you express that in your irritability in the morning and your prolonged cuddle at the school gate. The child will feel this and may respond in kind - reinforcing your thoughts that they are anxious about leaving you too.
A vicious cycle can then develop – and it may not be obvious what triggered the anxious feelings you experienced that day. It may have been concern for an extended family member, a distressing item you heard on the news or work stress for your partner, or perhaps you can’t isolate just one thing.
Addressing anxiety as a family will have a better result for your children than addressing it in one person. Even if your child is the carrier of the anxiety, research shows us that families working with children to manage these symptoms is a lot more effective than the child doing this alone. Looking at anxiety as a family benefits all the members, and best supports the person that needs the most help.
We have a list of agencies here to go to for assistance, but if you are very concerned about your family after reading this checklist through, your first port of call should be your GP.
Assessment of Anxiety
This checklist of symptoms will give you an idea of the extent of anxiety in your family and where it sits (adults/children). Take a note of your answers as you go through each question, so you can do the checklist again at a later date and compare the results.
Worry in the family
Anxiety or worry is present in my family, (how much of the time? and to what extent?)
Mostly the children are worried (tick if correct)
Mostly the adults are worried (tick if correct)
Someone in my family is scared of something specific (Tick which ones and think about how much it affects the person and the family)
the dark
dogs
spiders
public spaces
confined spaces
something else specific
General worries
Someone in my family is scared of something general (if yes, tick which ones and think about how much this affects them and the family)
uncontrollable events
something that is not real
possible risks
generally everything
change
Separation worries Someone in my family is scared of being separated; (think about to what extent the following is true)
The children don’t like to be separate from the adults
The adults in the family don’t like to leave the children anywhere/anywhere new/with friends
The adults don’t allow the children to take risks in ways that we would have prior to the earthquakes
The children won’t go to specific places in the house alone, or outside
“Be careful” worries
We are worried about potential risks; (think about to what extent you are worried and how this has changed your behaviour) - here are some examples
We are often on the look-out for danger
The children often warn us about potential problems
We say “Be careful” often/more than we used to
The children need constant reassurance or attention;
We have changed our lives to keep the children safer, e.g. by curbing independence, by talking more about risk, about always knowing where they are; by giving in more often when we would usually hold our ground, by being more empathic, by allowing children to stay home from school more, by listening more to their worries.
Family climate
Our family emotional climate has changed (how much has it changed? How much resistance would there be to change back? Here are some examples of how it may have changed)
We have changed our family routines, e.g. sleep, eating, toileting
Our style of parenting has changed
We drink more
We smoke more
We argue more
We cry more
We sleep less
We are more irritable/angry
Physical symptoms of anxiety (Think about the extent that family members feel the following)
We have these physical symptoms of anxiety
nausea
sleeplessness
lack of concentration
panic attacks
heart racing
sweating
clumsiness
tummy aches
headaches
fainting
Other symptoms
We have these symptoms too
Checking things,
counting things
washing hands/things
not stepping on cracks
touching things in certain ways
Other things I would like to remember about my family and anxiety at this time (Write them here)
Strengths that our family has (Write them here)
Remember, this is a guide only, not a validated assessment tool.
If you complete this checklist and are very concerned at your answers, please contact your GP and ask for help understanding this. They will be able to refer you to an appropriate service.
You may also like to go to the Massey research site to do a validated assessment tool www.massey.ac.nz/worrybug. You will be able to complete the tool before using the Worry Bug resource, and two times afterwards, giving you an idea about the changes in your family.
